How living with my parents has actually improved my dating life

Here are the latest reports from The Washington Posts ‘Solo-ish’.

How living with my parents has actually improved my dating life

I’m 31, and I live with my parents. Apparently I’m quite trendy: According to a recent report from the Pew Research Center, more and more single professionals are choosing to live with their parents. For me, while finances are the main reason, the other perks are too good to ignore. I live with my parents in Istanbul, where dating […]

Why I might marry for friendship and money — not love

After decades of being single, I’m thinking of getting married. It’s not because I finally found true love, or because I want to wear a white dress (again) or because I fantasize about domestic bliss. It’s because I’m tired of being shut out from the perks and benefits that marriage provides. It’s an idea that I’ve […]

Are you too invested in your friends’ relationships?

Recently an anonymous woman wrote into my advice column, Ask Demetria, with a dilemma. The woman’s best friend, let’s call her Nadine, planned a couples trip to celebrate her birthday. Nadine invited her friend to join her, but specifically stated that her friend’s boyfriend could not attend the festivities. Nadine’s reasoning? The boyfriend had been unfaithful to […]

Where are all the bisexual men?

For as long as I can remember, I’ve needed someone to look up to: a role model. A guiding force. A person who knows exactly what to do and can help me solve all of life’s problems, personal, professional or of the “Why can’t I get a text back?” variety. Sadly, those perfect people don’t exist. But that […]

Why are millennials putting off marriage? Let me count the ways.

“I can’t even imagine paying for a wedding right now,” 26-year-old Kaitlyn Schaefer tells me. The grad student splits her time between teaching special education kids and running to class, all while accumulating tens of thousands of dollars in student debt. Oh, did I mention she just celebrated her 10th anniversary with her boyfriend? But no, marriage […]

He dumped me in a rude way. Was it partly my fault?

The breakup text arrived at 6 a.m., just a few hours after he sent a goodnight message in which he sounded like a boyfriend. One text later, and he was an ex. “Dear Danielle,” it began. And went on in rambling, formal prose to tell me that he didn’t want to pursue something romantic with me any longer. But that it […]

Learn to be a matchmaker in a weekend? These four did.

In April, a synchronized swimmer, a therapist, a recent college graduate and a physics instructor walked into a penthouse with a view of the Manhattan skyline. This isn’t the setup for a joke. It’s the first step in the next phase in their careers: as matchmakers and dating coaches. They came from all over — Las Vegas, […]

The top 10 posts from Solo-ish’s first year

A year ago, Solo-ish was born. In that time, I’ve had the pleasure and the challenge of editing and writing blog posts about the experience of being single, dating, finding love and losing it, making friends and losing them, living alone, and more. Here are the stories that have resonated with readers the most. If you […]

Chad is a jerk on ‘The Bachelorette.’ But he makes some good points about love.

It’s been clear from the start of this season of “The Bachelorette”: Chad is horrible. He thinks he’s better than everyone and insults the other contestants for being short or unmanly (in his mind, the former equals the latter). He nearly got into a fight with one of them on Monday night’s episode, something we’ll surely see HAPPEN before […]

5 reasons to keep swiping when you’re over online dating

You’ve been dating for a while now. In the beginning, it was exciting. Gorgeous, intelligent, interesting singles were as plentiful as cowboy boots at a honky-tonk. But bit by bit, their sheen started to fade as you realize one is unemployed, another 100 pounds heavier than the photos, or, after what seems like a million dates, […]

I have three cats, but don’t call me a crazy cat lady

Under America’s diagnosis, I am a “crazy cat lady.” This is a judgment, an accusation, a scarlet “C” scratched into my forearm by one of my three cats. Google the phrase and you will find scores of women frantically defending their right to have cats without being branded as “crazy.” Here’s a checklist I’m supposed to consider as I sit on […]

Candace Bushnell on Tinder: ‘It was like being in Vegas’

Candace Bushnell — yes, that Candace Bushnell, who wrote the original “Sex and the City” columns that spawned the TV series — gave Tinder a spin (or 20) and wrote all about it for Cosmopolitan. It’s been a while since she’s been on the prowl. Bushnell wrote in her Cosmo essay that she hadn’t been on a date since […]

Pain, then pleasure: My tattoos as symbols of divorce

The cashier at the checkout had the whitest teeth I’ve ever seen and four black birds tattooed on her forearm. As she ran my orange juice and cauliflower over the scanner, she reached out to touch my wrist. “I love that,” she said quietly, pressing her forefinger to a black bass clef inked on my […]

Podcast: The invention of dating

Ever wonder when dating got started? Americans have been doing it for only about 100 years, a phenomenon that started with an influx of young people moving to cities and women working outside the home. Moira Weigel, author of “Labor of Love: The Invention of Dating,” chatted with Lisa Bonos on the latest episode of the Solo-ish podcast about […]

LGBTQ singles are split on marriage, kids and dating someone who’s transgender

For six years, Match has conducted a big survey of singles in America. And for the first time, they’ve done a separate survey of over 1,000 LGBTQ singles, ages 18 to 70. The study looks at when LGBTQ individuals came out, how much sex they’re having, who should pay for dates and where they’re meeting those dates. Among the findings, […]

I’m not pining for a long-lost love. I’m single by circumstance.

I’m thinking of one of my high school teachers, whom we called a “confirmed bachelor.” We whispered rumors about how he lost his fiancee tragically at a young age. The story gave this quiet man an aura of romance and possibility, but we had no idea if it was true. Twenty years later and single myself, I find myself wondering […]

How the biological clock — and its ticking — became shorthand for a woman’s fertility

There are several meanings of the term “biological clock.” It can refer to the body’s circadian rhythms telling us when to wake up and sleep. But its other meaning — a person’s sense that their fertility is limited and declines with age — is the more common usage. The term is usually applied to women, although plenty of research shows that men’s fertility decreases […]

How a dead-end date changed my life

On a June night in 2004, I sat in the back yard of a Brooklyn bistro discussing “Fahrenheit 9/11” with my date. We were both disgusted with the Bush administration, a quaint sentiment now that we’re faced with a prospective Trump presidency. While I primarily expressed my outrage by yelling at the television, my date […]

Bachelor Nation is one big, incestuous family

In Bachelor Nation, everything is an audition for something else. “The Bachelorette” drafts its leading lady from the pool of contestants on “The Bachelor” and vice versa, giving the franchise an insular feel. Once you’re in the game, you’re playing for that one big love. Should you fail the first time around (and most everyone does!), never fear: […]

Relationship advice from commencement speakers: May heartbreak make you stronger

A commencement speech is meant to inspire. An older and wiser person gives advice to young graduates who are about to go make their own way in the world. Sometimes these cross-generational exchanges come off as out of touch: How can a 50- or 60-something understand what it’s like to be young today? For starters, they can talk about love. Watching […]

‘Where are your friends?’ I’m not lonely, I’m eating alone to enjoy my own company.

On the eve of my first day at my new middle school, after our family moved from my childhood home in Hawaii to the suburbs of Georgia, my mother gave me what little advice she could about being the new kid: “Don’t be surprised if you end up eating alone on your first day.” She […]

An interview with the director of ‘The Lobster,’ a dark comedy about the search for love
No matter your relationship status, “The Lobster” can be frightening to watch if you take it too literally. So try to remember: As dark as it is, it’s a comedy. The film creates a dystopian world where it’s illegal to be single. Unmarried people like “The Lobster’s” divorced protagonist, David (played by Colin Farrell), can check into […]

Be unbreakable: Dating lessons from Kimmy Schmidt
Dating is confusing. You have to wait how many days to call? Oh wait, no one calls anymore. You have to wait how many hours to answer a text? You can blame dating apps or social media, but I think rom-coms are the culprit. Movies have spoon-fed us unrealistic expectations about love. These optimistic plots are the reason […]

Dancing with senior citizens helped me get over my ex

Six months after a heart-crushing breakup, I took a ballroom dance class at a local community center. “You’ll meet new men,” my friends said. They weren’t kidding. In the space of two hours, I must have quick-stepped, waltzed and fox-trotted with a dozen eager guys. The only problem? I was in my late 30s, and most of […]

What do singles need more than a mate? Community.

Sometimes I wish I fit the stereotype of the totally independent single person who does not need anyone or anything. But as much as I savor my solitude and am up for doing all sorts of things on my own, I still want companionship and emotional closeness. I want confidants and dinner companions, sounding boards […]

I’m not trying to steal your husband. I just want to borrow him.

“Excuse me, are you handy?” I said to a 60-something man at my local Goodwill. “May I ask you a quick question?” He seemed confused, turning his head side to side, silently asking himself: Me? Is she talking to me? I nodded yes and explained I had a question about a piece of furniture, a cabinet with […]

Monogamy was failing me. Was polyamory the answer?

I wasn’t sure what I was looking for the first time I attended a Meetup for polyamorous people. But when the group leader asked me if I wanted to hang out sometime, I knew that I did. So I said yes. He already had three girlfriends. But he was “always open to more love in […]

Biracial singles are more willing to date someone of another race, study finds

It has been almost 50 years since interracial marriage became legal across the United States. But people still are more likely to pair up with someone of their own race. As of 2013, according to a Pew Research Center analysis of census data, 12 percent of newlyweds married someone of a different race. Even today’s singles continue to largely date […]

Dating while disabled: From Day One with someone new, I feel vulnerable

My ex-fiance, Trent, who had been my fiance until two weeks ago, caught me as I toppled onto the living room carpet, now devoid of his gray, wool couches I’d disliked so much. “Thank you,” I said, my voice trembling. Over the past hour, he and I had held each other and sobbed on the empty […]

I’m queer. I’m a single mom. It was hard to see myself as both.

As a child and into my early teens, I couldn’t wait to be a mother. I figured my parents wouldn’t want to hear that was my greatest aspiration. Growing up in an upper-middle-class family, I was supposed to go to college and find a career before planning a family. So, in the back of my closet, I […]

Podcast: ‘Hi, I would like to court you in friendship’

When Aminatou Sow wants to be friends with someone, she makes her intentions clear. Something like: “Hi, I would like to court you in friendship. How do we make this happen?” Sow and Ann Friedman, a woman she met while both were living in D.C. in their 20s, are now long-distance besties. (Sow lives in San Francisco; Friedman […]

The friendship equivalent of running off with a younger woman

Sam sat at the table, quietly sipping her wine while the rest of us recounted our recent failures. The conversation focused on the vagaries of encroaching middle age: Struggles with infertility, child-rearing challenges, ailing parents. I looked at Sam and wondered what she was thinking. Nearly 15 years younger than me and my dining companions in our late […]

Maple Match and Bernie Singles — two dating sites built for the 2016 election

Last month, two colleagues and I swiped our way through Tinder, Hinge and Bumble looking for daters who made clear mention of politics or the 2016 presidential campaign. While we found some #NeverTrumps and photos with father-son Bush statues, the overall tone was apolitical. Perhaps that’s because those dating apps have wide, general audiences. After all, as Match reported in its […]

I wanna be an old maid when I grow up

One of my favorite games as a little girl was Old Maid. It’s simple: Every card in the deck gets passed out to the players. You take turns choosing a card from another player’s hand in hopes of finding pairs of matching numbers. But there’s a catch! There’s one extra card without a match, and whoever ends up with that card […]

‘Did you think this was a turn-on?’ L.A. woman confronts her Tinder matches about their sexts.

One of the biggest complaints about online dating apps like Tinder is that the people on there are only looking for one thing: sex. Which means that the messages those people send get explicit real fast. One woman in Los Angeles, 31-year-old filmmaker Jessie Kahnweiler, got fed up with that. She invited her sexting Tinder matches to come over. They […]