The day is finally here! Baby Wolowitz is about to make his or her debut — and lucky for Bernadette, there are three dorks willing to help her breathe through each contraction. Raj is in the driver’s seat, Stuart rides shotgun, and Howard is filled with emotion and panic over what’s about to happen.

Do you know what else is about to happen? Amy’s birthday romp in the hay. Sheldon, in his best plaid pajama set, wakes Amy up at midnight to gift her with an MRI scan of his brain. As a neurobiologist, this really gets her motor running. Not to mention the fact Sheldon’s orbital frontal cortex was lit up because he was thinking of her. Hubba hubba. Let the annual coitus commence!

Just as things start to get horizontal, Penny and Leonard knock on the door interrupting Sheldon and Amy’s birthday festivities. Bernadette is in labor! Poor Amy can’t catch a break.

Back at the hospital, three men and a pregnant lady explain to the nurse this is not a Mamma Mia situation. Howard claims paternity before asking Raj how far apart the contractions are. When Raj reports 12 minutes, the nurse instructs the foursome to return home and come back when they are five minutes apart.

Penny receives the false-alarm call from Howard and suggests they all go out to do something fun for Amy’s birthday. Leonard reminds her once-a-year sex is probably the top of Amy’s to-do list. Penny wishes her friends a happy-birthday booty call as they rush back upstairs to check off a very big box.

Meanwhile, Team Wolowitz is clocking contractions. Bernadette breathes slowly. Stuart paces the floor. Howard makes tea. Raj documents everything on his phone because one day, she will want to see this video to confirm her dad wasn’t ever cool.

She. SHE will want to see this. Howard and Bernadette are totally bummed they came this far without knowing the sex of their baby and Raj ruined it. He’s banned from Team Wolowitz.

Raj isn’t the only one feeling like the odd man out. For some reason, Sheldon is uncomfortable because the pending sex now feels forced, just like a Pirates of the Caribbean sequel. Amy tells him she has a surprise that might help get things back on track. Sheldon wants to know if it’s a train.

Oh, it’s a train alright. It’s a ticket on the Hogwarts Express!

Amy slinks out of the bathroom wearing a wizard’s robe and carrying a wand. She thinks role-playing Harry Potter will make things hotter. Sheldon is totally on board when Amy hands him a robe of his own. Then it dawns on him she must have gone to Wizarding World without him to purchase these items. He promises a hearty argument once her birthday is over. Until then, let’s get scandalous with a Hufflepuff and a Gryffindor!

Cue Penny knocking again, announcing Bernadette’s water just broke. So close, Amy. So close.