What are we doing to keep yetis out of public restrooms? I ask merely for information. Apparently, if North Carolina’s HB2 (and the other laws like it in the works in other states) are anything to go on, we are all about passing real laws to counter imaginary threats. These “bathroom bills” focus mainly on the […]
Prince? Nooo! Dear 2016, I would like to cancel my subscription.
I think 2016 has jumped the shark. All the plot arcs revolve around this weird, surreal election whose central character is Donald Trump, a real estate developer who speaks at a third-grade level and is obsessed with his hands. I don’t buy this at all. If I wanted to obsess over the travails of a […]
The treasury makes the right call — Keep Hamilton, dump Jackson!
According to CNN, Treasury Secretary Jack Lew will announce this week that Alexander Hamilton is staying on the front of the $10 bill, where he belongs. Instead, a woman will replace national regret Andrew Jackson on the $20. This is correct! Well done! And it only took a year of indignation, a blockbuster musical about the former treasury […]
Brooklyn fight night: The Democratic debate, summarized
Good news: my favorite show is back on! On Thursday night, after a brief hiatus, the debates returned to television. Bernie and Hillary had a lot to say on CNN in primetime for two hours from a “converted warehouse” called the Duggal Greenhouse in Brooklyn because WHERE ELSE WOULD YOU DEBATE IN BROOKLYN? The only […]
The terrifying lesson of the Trump-supporting Nazi chat bot Tay
This is why we can’t have nice things. These days, the news basically consists of spinning a big wheel of Reasons to Lose All Faith in Humanity and Never Leave the House Again. On Thursday, we landed on the blue spot. Meet Tay, the Microsoft teen chat bot that the Internet managed to turn into a 9/11-truthing, Holocaust-denying, Trump-supporting […]
These Ted Cruz sex scandals are more believable than the one in the National Enquirer
The National Enquirer (with which Donald Trump’s relationship has not been un-cozy*) released a story this week insisting that Ted Cruz has had five extramarital affairs. The Internet’s response to the #CruzSexScandal has been twofold: (1) “Why, why, WHY would you force us to think about this topic, National Enquirer?” and (2) “… wait, five?” Here are […]
Some questions about my daily schedule as a Superhero Girlfriend
Batman vs. Superman: Dawn of Justice, which just opened to far more money than it deserved, is the superhero movie we deserve, if not the one we need right now. But in the frenzy to convey the many other areas in which it is awful, I feel that not enough time has been devoted to […]
The day Trump killed the fact
It’s Tuesday, March 29, 2016, and facts are dead. They had a good run. It used to be that when people said “Who are you going to believe, me, or your own eyes?,” they were joking. Not the Donald Trump campaign. It remains stubbornly impervious to reality. “But we have video footage of this happening,” you […]
Some uses for women in Trump’s America
Sometimes people confuse objectifying women with not liking women. These are two very different things! It is possible to love women the same way you love expensive wristwatches: you want to surround yourself with them to seem impressive, but you would never ask one to tell you its thoughts. Indeed, you can love many things […]
The candidates help you ask someone to prom
Here is Ted Cruz asking someone to prom. Actually. Because Ted Cruz keeps saying yes to the seemingly innocent requests of today’s teens. “Sarah Beaver, would you CRUZ to prom with Alex Canney?” Cruz reads, smiling. “That’s strong.” Important life moments with @tedcruz and @CanneyAlex pic.twitter.com/eF4J6nMNOw — sarah beaves (@sarahstarbie7) March 29, 2016 (He did not […]
Everything is fine and nothing is on fire
You wake up and no one is talking about Donald Trump. The sky is blue. The birds are singing. He fizzled out at the end of summer. He was fun, but the pundits were right. All the people who make predictions for a living were right. That is why they make predictions for a living: […]
Donald Trump has never had any idea what he was talking about. We only just noticed.
Usually it is fine not to have any idea what you are talking about. But for a presidential candidate it can be a little awkward. Asked by Bob Woodward what made Abraham Lincoln succeed, Donald Trump offered the following response: “Well,” Trump said, “I think Lincoln succeeded for numerous reasons. He was a man who […]
John Kasich is still here, you guys!
It is getting to be awfully late, and John Kasich is still here. At first it seemed fine. Florida was fun. Even Ohio was fun. Everyone running around, debating, placing ads everywhere, fighting for votes. But when Donald Trump said that he was going to take the campaign back toward his place (New York) — […]
Please — I’m begging you — do not nominate me for president!
Adlai Stevenson said that “in America any boy may become president, and I suppose it’s just one of the risks he takes.” But I did not realize how literal this risk was until today, when Paul Ryan had to announce that he should be counted out as a nominee for president. This alarmed me a little. I […]
Please — I’m begging you — do not nominate me for president!
Adlai Stevenson said that “in America any boy may become president, and I suppose it’s just one of the risks he takes.” But I did not realize how literal this risk was until today, when Paul Ryan had to announce that he should be counted out as a nominee for president. This alarmed me a little. I […]
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